Quick Update

I just recently posted a poll that can be found at the bottom of this blog (scroll). The poll asks what our next fundraiser should be (or is the most interesting to you) and gives you three choices. We, as a board, have been throwing around all of these ideas and we want your input! If you don't like any of the choices, please leave an anonymous comment on this post and tell us what fundraiser YOU'D like to see. We'll gladly post your idea on TCE's blog after our next board meeting in January.

Thanks for your help!

love.

Promises

I love the new year. New beginnings are always exciting and challenging. And, as you've probably learned from this blog, I like a challenge.

I try to take that same approach with The Change Exchange. Our board is always looking for new beginnings and challenges, and especially projects and people we can sink our whole heart into.

I've been called a little too "touchy-feely" when choosing TCE's projects and passions. My answer to that is, "So what?". Of course we want to choose projects and locations that pull at our heartstrings and fill us with joy. I'm only human. My board and volunteers are only human. And if this part of the world and these people affect us in a very emotional way, then we hope that we can connect the way we feel to you and hope you join us. If we can connect our passions with yours, then we can work on the technical side of operations.

This is why "Feel with my heart. Then think with my head." is my first personal and professional resolution this year. Here are some of the others:

• Update. Update. Update.
• Show my directors and volunteers how much I appreciate them on regular basis
• REALLY work on some out of the box ideas I've come up with... and not be afraid of them
• Host the biggest fundraiser we've had yet

And finally....

• Go back to the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Nairobi and see this beautiful baby ellie's face again!

love.

Their Hearts

This picture was taken at the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre in Rwanda. At this memorial, there is a section dedicated specifically to the children lost during the genocide.

Here is where I found this plaque, under a blown up black and white photo of a smiling, chubby baby. His information said he was less than a year old when he and his older brother watched their mother bludgeoned to death by a dull machete.

I want to print out this picture and carry it around with me, so when someone criticizes my dedication to African children, as opposed to American children, I can quit with the "We're all citizens of the world" and "Children are children, no matter which continent they reside" philosophies. I just want to be brave enough to quit my loquaciousness cold turkey and hold up a simple picture. And then walk away. Point made.

These kids are just kids, and they didn't make themselves orphans. The horrors and tragedies they have faced have nothing to do with them. Their innocence didn't cause a civil war. Their love for their caretakers didn't cause them to die at the hands of misinterpreted evil. Their need for food and shelter didn't cause their country to suffer in inexplicable poverty. Their love didn't cause their fate.

During this holiday season, remember that there are kids in this world that won't be celebrating with their loved ones, or not at all. Yes, some of these kids reside in America. And some of them in Africa. But I try to remember that each of us has our place in the world, our mission. Yours may be to focus on the country in which you work and play, and that's okay. But mine is where my heart lives, and that's in Africa.

With that being said, I'll be taking a short (seriously this time) hiatus from blogging, writing, TCE email accounts, and web updates this holiday in order to fully appreciate my outstanding family and support system. And to especially spend time with the child in my life, my brother Zack. I can't wait to celebrate with him. See you January 2nd.

love.

Remembering Rwanda

I can't believe it's been almost five months since I was in Africa. It has this funny effect on me really. I'm just starting to notice a trend.

Step One: I spend months preparing myself: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I reflect, spend more minutes running more miles, pack, re-pack, and look over my journals to remind myself of the things I wish I would have brought the last time. (Last time, I wished I had brought dry laundry soap to wash my clothes in the sink. This time, I brought the soap, but I wish I would have been thinking enough to bring a rubber plug for the sink. Genius).

Step Two: I spend all of this built-up energy, peace, and patience in Africa. It's kind of like building up your savings account just so you can blow it all at Christmas. And sometimes, you use all of your savings within a thirty-day timespan and still max out your Visa. That's where I was this time around. Completely in the red. More on that later.

Step Three: Come home with a negative balance (in every literal and metaphorical sense of the phrase) and spend the next few months recharging. Once I feel like I'm back in a healthy balance, I can start actually remembering my experiences, categorizing them, and dreaming up witty ways in which to retell them.

I love to reflect and I love to write. So I always go overseas with the intention of blogging while I'm there. But I never follow through on that; I always scribble thoughts and key words that will help me unlock my memories in my paper journal. And that's about as far as I get. I'm realizing that it's just a process. Probably the same reason why I'm particularly bad at taking pictures in the moment. I'm always afraid I'll really miss the moment while I'm look through the camera lense.

This time it took me an exceptionally long time to get myself together in order to start writing again. I think this had a lot to do with factors outside of The Change Exchange. This time around, I got back from Africa, already in the red, and immediately started teaching at a new school, in a totally different environment, and in a high-stress position. Compound that with two graduate school classes, nine papers, three PowerPoint presentations, a grant and book proposal, two speeches, and four Board meetings later, I was so far in the red that it was burgundy. I never got a chance to recharge.

Now I blog to you from my living room couch, on a sunny, cold day in Michigan, in my pajamas at 2:30pm. All of my Christmas presents are wrapped under my tree. My house is the cleanest it's been in four months. My bills are paid, my dog is snoozing in my lap, and I have absolutely no work to do for classes or school. After five days of endless napping, eating and indulgence in hot baths, rendezvous with friends, and creative endeavors, I feel... human again. I'm ready.

Note to self: Write down "give myself more than a week after Africa before I start work and school" in journal. Another thing I wish I would have had this time around.

love.

Back Online

Hi internet world!

It's been a tumultuous few months in the technological world for The Change Exchange. To make a long story short, our site has been down for the better part of four months. That means for the better part of four months, I've been frantically trying to figure out how to update it. Finally, it's up and running, which means I can breathe and blog once again.

Stay tuned for updates and photos from my latest trip to Africa.

love.

Andee in Africa

Finally, an internet connection fast enough to blog.

So... Africa. What can I say? You forget about some of the ups and downs you experience here while you're away. Example: I knew coming in that hot water is a rarity. However, having to throw yourself into a cold shower is still not something you look forward to each morning.

Also, it takes an immense amount of mental and physical preparation to be successful (and energized) in Africa. The fact of the matter is, it's exhausting on every level to be in a developing country. You're constantly using your stamina to figure out the language, directions, the maps, how to get basic things you need, and planning your route and days. Not to mention, it's extremely hilly here, so walking around takes twice as much energy. I equivilate this experience to running a half marathon everyday.

I knew this going in as well, so I spent a lot of time climbing, running, and doing yoga and pilates beforehand. This has helped. But no matter what you do to prepare, it's just exhausting. period.

And, as always, Africa makes me hole up inside of myself and makes me reflect on things. Here's what I've come up with while journaling:

• I really appreciate my friends, family, and life. Really. And I miss them.
• I'm more confident now than ever in the work I'm doing here, the connections I'm making, and the projects I'm starting. They feel intuitively right.
• I'm on the right path.

And here's something else I've come up with: I think that people like to travel to different places not for what they see or experience there, but for what each individual country brings out in them. It's like choosing the backdrop of Italy or India to learn something about yourself. I think people attach to certain countries or regions because they like what that brings out inside of them, not necessarily for the architecture or the art (although amazing to see).

Reflecting on that, I think that I've attached myself to Rwanda and Africa because I like that this region of the world tests my limitations. I'm like that in my "real life". I always have to push myself, figure things out for myself, and try new, down-right difficult things. Being in Africa is like testing this attitude to the extreme. It's the graduate level course in pushing yourself to your limits. I've definitely discovered many limitations here, in which I haven't back at home. At home, there really aren't things I won't do or can't figure out. Here there are. It's both frustrating and liberating. It's frustrating because I'm not used to having actual limits, but it's liberating to know that there are and they're just another challenge to overcome. And more future trips to attempt this in.

I'm about to move myself out of the Blues Cafe here in a minute to get ready for the national education conference with the Minister of Education. I'm going to attempt to find an un-wrinkled dress and wash my hair... this may take awhile.

love.

Departing Thoughts

I leave for Africa in a two short days. I've been collecting my thoughts all day, mulling them over and untangling them, one by one. Here's what I've come up with:

• I am packing less for this trip than I have for any trip before, even though this trip is one of my lengthier journeys. And let's not forget that I'm female, so by nature, I have an uncanny amount of junk. This is both empowering and frightening. I feel empowered that I have gotten this down to a science, and that I am worldly enough to know what is necessary and what just isn't. However, I'm also frightened... because, well, I don't know. I think it's because we Americans tend to protect ourselves by barricading ourselves in our possessions. It's frightening to go on a five week trip with only four long, cotton dresses and some dry laundry soap. But it's also liberating.

• Here's what's also liberating: I am going to Africa with no jewelry (besides a few inexpensive items), no eyeshadow, no blow dryer, and no curling iron. And no Coach purse either. It's funny to me that it will take me about as long as any guy to get ready to go out for the day (a dream of my husband's). But honestly, this is one of the many things I love about going to Africa. I love that what I'm doing there has nothing to do with the way I look and that really... no one cares. There's no judgement, no pressure. I realize that I could do that same thing here, but let's be realistic: We're all judged on our appearance, and we're expected to convey a message through our image. Don't get me wrong, I am a true blue girl, and I love to wear dresses and makeup. But there's something about being as natural as possible in combination with that environment that makes me feel like... me. I never feel as much like myself than when I'm in Africa.

• I'm feeling intensely anxious. I usually get waves of anxiety and sadness before I leave for a trip, for any amount of time. I attribute this to the sadness of leaving my family and friends behind. The first time I left for Africa, for a very long trip, I remember waking up next to Matt the morning my flight was scheduled to leave, and immediately telling him I didn't want to go. He had to basically push me on the flight. Once I was in Africa, teaching and working, everything was fine. It's just intially leaving that's really difficult. The thought that I won't be able to hug my dog for five weeks is so sad to me. I'm anxious about being away from the love I have in my life. But I'm trying to remind myself that I'm creating more love, somewhere else in the world.

• I will be blogging, journaling, and documenting in some shape or form during this entire trip. There is something about Africa that brings out deep contemplation in me that I can't explain... it's like doing good, solid work in a very spiritual place tends tends to bring me back inside of myself. I have spent a lot of time in contemplation on that continent, and I have barely documented it in writing. But there are many times that I wish I would have written down the things that came into my heart and mind, and this time I'm going to do it. It's something I want my kids to see one day... and maybe it will spark that same wanderlust and love for the world in them.

The next time I'll be blogging will be from the other side of the Atlantic. Wish me luck!

love.

Finally

I've finally made my way back to this blog. It's been quite the journey in between entries, and I'm at the point where I can sit down at this computer, take a breath, and write.

• The Change Exchange was granted official federal nonprofit status as a 501(c)(3) organization. This is a big deal for us! I can't tell you the relief I felt when seeing that letter come in; all those months of toiling over legal jargon and fine print finally came to frutition. So great.
• We had a great time hosting our Pins for Pencils bowling event at the end of May (see The Change Exchange blog to read the article). We raised funds to supply a primary school outside of Kigali that will do a lot of people a lot of good. I'll be posting pictures from the event on this blog and TCE shortly.
• Since our most recent fundraiser, we have been able to make great relations with numerous other organizations, including a local Rwandan organization named AMU. My trip is starting to take shape, and I'm starting to see the path that I will be taking. It's very exciting!
• Also since our last fundraiser, I have been traveling. Anyone that knows me understands that this is the great love of my life, one to whom I have always been loyal in a way I haven't always been to other loves (to paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert). I have spent a weekend at our family's lake house at Lime Lake, relaxing after finishing the school year. I spent a weekend in New York with my brother, cousin, and my great friend Amy, who I incidentally met in Africa. As I type this, I'm in Myrtle Beach at my husband's family reunion, and it has been so wonderful. A week from today, I will be packing my backpack for Kenya and Rwanda. It's been a chaotic summer, and I'm shocked that it's actually July already. But I am blissful; this has been the ultimate indulgence for my soul.

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. I will be on a very long car ride home tomorrow. But on this day three years ago, I was on a small boat in the middle of the Indian Ocean, about to get into a cage and swim with Great White sharks. It's funny how time flies.

No One Really Knows

When I first started this non-profit, I was constantly researching and learning about... well, about everything. I researched other organizations and longed to be as successful in completing my mission as they were in there's. I read, I emailed, and I networked.

As I've grown and the organization has grown, I've gotten to know a professor at Michigan State that has helped me develop my ideas and connect me with people of similar interest. I remember our first meeting clearly. I looked at him, sitting across the table from me, as I listened to all of his projects and plans, and I thought, "This is where I want to be. This guy knows what he's doing."

As I continued correspondence with him, I soon learned, through his own humility, that he is actually where I am. He has blatantly admitted that he doesn't know what he's doing either, he's just learning as he goes. He makes mistakes with the best of them. I love this. In fact, it makes me respect him even more for admitting this to me so conversationally.

A member of my Board posted a blog on The Change Exchange's website the other day about his impending trip to Africa. This will be his first trip to the continent. At the bottom he said that he, too, isn't entirely sure of what he's doing, but he's trusting the person he's going with (which would be me).

It's a weird feeling to read that post. I wish I had words to describe it... hmm. It's humbling, gratifying, and... fateful, for lack of a better word. It's as though it was written to be this way, and I'm now someone that "knows what they're doing." It's a cyclical phenomenon; a tribute to that old adage that what goes around comes around and whomever is on the bottom will always rise to the top... and vice versa. It's also a scary feeling, thinking that a lot of other people are relying on you because you're the one that "knows what she's doing." But ultimately, it's a challenge. And I'm embracing this status and getting to know what I actually do know and what I don't yet. It's a reflective and humbling experience that I plan to pass on to someone else one day, just as someone did for me.


love.

Please Excuse the Interruption

I usually refrain from discussing my life outside of the context of what I'm doing in Africa. However, writing is therapy, and this blog is my chance at regaining sanity today.

I have another job outside of directing this nonprofit organization. I am also a special education teacher at an elementary school. My job is incredibly busy, sometimes stressful, and often claims my sanity for the day. But I love it. I genuinely love my job, but I also know that it's not my calling in life. I believe I'm in the profession for a short time to implement programs and projects into the education system, but I think that two or three years from now I'll be solely operating the nonprofit, with the rate that it's growing. Anyway, that's a different story for a different day.

I'm also raising my fourteen year old brother. I've been doing this for the past year and a half, since our mom passed away in March 2008. So, between the Kids for Africa program, my job as a special educator, and my home life with my brother, 90% of my life is spent with kids. This is okay for the most part, but it does make you go a little crazy. I find myself accidentally using my "teacher voice" with my husband, or using innocuous words like "sassy" and "silly" to describe moods. Lately, however, I am exhausted from the amount of work I'm putting in and the big things that are happening with The Change Exchange, so my crazy level is on high alert.

I knew I was at red alert crazy this morning when I had the following conversation:

Me: Why aren't you heated up? Why aren't you listening to me??
Curling Iron: (silence)
Me: You never listen to me!
Curling Iron: (silence)
Me: I'm going downstairs to make coffee, and if you aren't heated up by the time I get back, you're going to be in trouble!
Curling Iron: (silence)
Me: Did you hear me?!

I am working on regaining my sanity with an adult only shopping trip this evening.


love.